


Never Trust in Tomorrow

by ohstardustgirl



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Introspection, Romance, Tumblr Prompt, jyn is not good with her emotions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:08:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23548927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohstardustgirl/pseuds/ohstardustgirl
Summary: Prompt from oh-nostalgia - making up after a fightJyn is mad at Cassian for risking his life, but maybe her feelings aren’t quite so simple
Relationships: Cassian Andor/Jyn Erso
Comments: 6
Kudos: 90





	Never Trust in Tomorrow

**Author's Note:**

  * For [anothersadsong](https://archiveofourown.org/users/anothersadsong/gifts).



Breathless and soaked to the bone, Jyn stumbled into the ship with Cassian right behind her. 

“There you are,” Kay called from the cockpit. “We have thirty seconds to leave this planet, unless you actually want to be cannon fodder for that incoming AT-ST.”

Jyn’s breath came hard and her throat ached. Rain dripped down her nose, and Cassian’s gaze on her was dark and intense. The air between them was thick. Anger was like a flare in her heart, as bright as it had been as they faced off against the Imperial ground troops moments ago. Furious words crowded her throat like jagged rocks - _I had it under control you don’t get to decide what’s safe for me you could have been killed YOU LEFT ME_ \- and it must have shown in her expression as Cassian’s face shifted from concerned to defensively blank. Without a word, he turned to climb up to the cockpit. Jyn sat down heavily on the bench and with trembling hands strapped herself in. 

As soon as the ship broke through atmosphere Jyn unstrapped herself and stalked to the ship’s small living quarters. Her blood boiled in her veins and her emotions felt too big for her body. You have to learn how to control your emotions, daughter, Saw used to say, before they eat you up inside. It was one of few of his lessons she had failed. Instead her feelings all bubbled and mixed together like a pot on the verge of boiling over until she couldn’t tell what she was feeling, and everything spilled over into anger and rage. She kicked her boots into the corner of the tiny room where they thudded against the wall before bouncing on the narrow cot and onto the floor. She fought with her wet clothes like bindings until they too were in a heap on the floor, and slammed the ‘fresher door behind her with enough force to make the thin panel wobble. She shivered in the cold air of the sonic shower, and found some solace in the distraction it gave her from her feelings as she almost enjoyed the sting of the pressure against her collection of fresh cuts and bruises from the battlefield.

 _What are you really mad at,_ she asked herself as she shook her hair free from its bun and planted her forehead against the wall as if to focus her mind.  
 _I’m mad that he changed the plan at the last second.  
I’m mad that he didn’t trust me enough to get the job done.  
I’m mad that he ran headfirst into a kriffing Imp firefight to put a detonator on a kriffing AT-ST.  
I’m mad that he could have died and I would have been alone._  
She punched the wall panel and shook her head before leaving the ‘fresher. _He would have left me behind, just like that, no goodbye. Just like everyone else._

As she finished pulling on her vest and pants, the door swooshed open. Cassian said nothing as he entered and his blank face was an act of aggression to Jyn who wanted a fight. She stomped past him across the small room, and did her best to ignore how the scent of him - blaster fire and rain - went straight to her gut. She huffed as she picked up her discarded clothes and her mind ran away from her as she folded them roughly. _I never should have let him in, I knew it would end up the same as always, I’m no good -_

A sharp intake of breath made her turn sharply. Cassian's face was contorted in pain as he peeled off his jacket, revealing a dark, scorched mark along his ribs that had stained his shirt blood red and scorched black. Her anger was forgotten like a light switching off, replaced by a sick twist of panic in her gut.

"You were shot?"

“Just grazed, when I was coming back from placing the detonator,” he grimaced again as he crossed his arms to pull his shirt over his head. “I can take care of it.”

She watched him for a moment as her emotions rose and fell and changed with each breath. He flinched and winced while reaching for the first aid kit above the bunk. Her anger seemed less aimed at him as she watched and she felt his pain as if it were her own. She sighed and took the kit from him and gestured for him to sit on the bed. His expression had a hint of contrition and she climbed onto the bunk behind him on her knees and pressed her free hand against his spine to steady herself. She breathed in the warmth of him and felt the heat of his flesh beneath her palm seep into her bones and soothe the rage inside of her. 

He hissed as she pressed a bacta patch against him. The wound wasn’t deep but the surrounding flesh was burned and she knew from experience how much it had to hurt. After all of her anger she still couldn’t find it in her to hope that it did hurt. As she gently dabbed at the wound she watched how the muscles of his back shifted with each breath, the scars she knew by touch, the red marks left by her nails on past nights. He was living, breathing, beneath her hands and all of that turmoil and anger she had felt at his actions seemed to coagulate into one big soft lump under her ribs: affection, love, and fear.

“I’m sorry,” he said, voice soft but she could feel the rumble of it against her palm. “I shouldn’t have changed the plan without talking to you.”

Jyn sighed, exhausted as the adrenaline of battle and her subsequent fit of rage drained away leaving her with a familiar emotional fatigue that bordered on sadness, emptiness. She leaned in to press her lips to his shoulder. All of the things she had raged about crowded in her throat except now they threatened to make her cry instead of scream. Cassian was her partner, her lover, and it was a battle in itself trying to dissect what those meant to her.

Jyn pressed her forehead to the back of his neck, against his spine. "You did the right thing. You ended up with the better vantage point, the one thing we couldn't plan for. On the battlefield and off, I trust you.”

“Then what?”

“It was just... it seemed so easy, for you to run off into something that could have destroyed you. All it would have taken was one lucky shot and that would have been it.” Boneless with exhaustion she wrapped her arms around him, wanting to melt into his skin and rest there.

He sighed and covered her hands with his. “You said you trust me. So trust me when I tell you it wasn't as suicidal or impulsive as it looked.”

"Says the man with a blaster wound," she huffed. She felt his chuckle through his chest and it make her feel soft and safe for a moment. But it faded quickly and she was quiet for a long time as she tried to string her thoughts into words and fought tears. "I know. I know, I know... it's just hard to think that someday you won't leave me, too."

"Hey," he said, pulling her arms from around him so he could twist to face her. He took her face in his hands and softly ran his thumbs under her eyes. She steeled her jaw and chewed the inside of her cheek by force of habit so that he wouldn't see her cry. "I'm not leaving you by choice, never by choice. If it comes down to it I will choose you every time, Jyn. And if you say you've had enough, and you want to leave this war, then just pick the planet and I will follow you."

The pot bubbled up again, fear and anger and love and guilt overwhelming her, clawing at her throat and her gut. The only response she could think of was to kiss him. She didn't want to think about leaving the war or the guilt it would cause either of them, didn't want to think about tomorrow. She wrapped her arms around him and climbed into his lap. Her body warmed as he responded to her, as his hands gripped her hips tight. Let him claw at her, let him grip her, let him overwhelm her with feelings she could handle: his teeth on her neck, lips hot on her hip, hot and heavy inside of her. And she could bite right back at him, feel him alive and breathing beneath her, and not have to think about how close she came to losing him. Afterwards, her anger had faded leaving her sleepy and worn out, but the fear remained. 

Jyn Erso had been scared before. It hadn’t stopped her from taking on the Empire


End file.
